I had to wait to write this post when I wasn’t in a terrible mood, which is most the time lately. So yeah. Anyway, this is more of me whining about pregnancy. Feel free to skip it, but I need to write this down to remember this. Because I’m afraid one day I will forget how awful this has been and the need for more babies will trump my remembering skills and then I would be where I am again, only with more kids. Yeah. I’m only partly kidding. Sad.
Anyway, this pregnancy has been rough the last month or so. I can deal with the fact that I’m so sick ALL OF the time, the lack of sleep, the not being able to breathe, the general hugeness, the list goes on and on. But I CANNOT deal with the dizzy anymore. It is bad… really, really, bad. It’s so bad that I spend at least 75% of the day laying down to keep from falling over. It’s so bad that I black out a few times a day. It’s so bad that I don’t trust myself to drive… ever. Even on the rare occasions I have use of a car. It’s so bad that I physically can’t do laundry, dishes, make food, lift my two-year-old, etc. It’s really bad.
But that isn’t even the worst part. The worst is feeling COMPLETELY USELESS! I feel like the worst wife and mother there has ever been. I can hardly take care of myself, let alone Traegan. He spends the entire day wishing I would get up and play with him like I used to. I spend the entire day trying not to die and to get him to watch movies. And poor Josh has had a lot of slack to pick up lately. Our house is NEVER clean anymore, the dishes are never done, the laundry never folded. It’s awful. And Josh has to completely rearrange his schedule any and every time Trae or I need to go anywhere because even when I could drive… I can’t. He has to drive me everywhere like a child. I. Hate. It. Also, I’m not a very happy person right now because of the uselessness and the sick all the time and the hormones and Josh is also dealing with that.
Luckily, I have the best (and certainly most patient) husband in the world. He takes it all in stride even though I know this has been hard on him as well. There are no words for how much I love him. He is incredible and I could not do this without him.
So yeah, pregnancy. It’s not my favorite. I really dislike it actually. I’m really hoping that I’ll find peace with the number 2 because I don’t think I can do it again.
Only 6 more weeks to go! Wish me luck! I’ll just be here chanting, “tiny, squishy, pink, thing.” over and over until she’s here.
February
8 hours ago
3 comments:
That sounds like it blows super duper hard. Funny how you kind of forget exactly what pregnancy was like. I mean, I remember it sucking, but not the specifics really. Hang in there.
Lame!! I don't like pregnancy either, but that dizziness would be a deal breaker for me. Yuck. Here is a positive side though (although at this point I KNOW you don't want to hear it). My Seth pregnancy was easy breezy. I could still do almost everything I could do before, just bending over was a little difficult. Then Seth was born and took a ton of Ethan's time away. Ethan didn't like that and therefore he doesn't like Seth. Still. Almost 2 years and he STILL doesn't like his brother. So, maybe when Avonelle (right?) is born and you go back to being your normal, awesome mom self, Trae will see that and tie it to the new baby and love her that much more because she brought you back. Here's to hoping your baby comes early.....
oh honey I'm so sorry! I feel I can empathize with you a little bit, but the dizzy is awful! You're almost there. On days I think I can't handle pregnancy one more minute all I have to do is look at so many people in worse shoes than me. At least we're allowed to be moms! I know that probably doesn't help. But think how much your kids love you and appreciate your sacrifices! (Or will in the future!) We're getting points somewhere for this ya know:) And you'll be at the top of the list!! Love ya.
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